Advice - how not to give it

You know when you tell someone a dilemma you have or a problem you’re trying to solve or a relationship that you’re finding irritating or difficult and the person you’re talking to goes into problem solving… “You should…” “Have you tried…?” “Oh, I had that problem and I sorted it by…” How do you react inside? Do you welcome their advice or does it feel unsolicited and unwelcome?

What might you prefer they did? Listen? Nod? Stay focused on you and what you’re talking about? Empathise? And then maybe ask an inquiring question about your thoughts, your strategies, your feelings?

This is how to listen. This is the key to not giving advice. Just as you may want someone else to listen to you and not offer advice.

Stay open. Be curious and compassionate. Hold those thoughts. Think of a question that might help the other person to find a way forward.

It’s kind of simple but can be hard to do. But try anyway.